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”Valia’s narrative voice is strong, and the reader is invested [...] and roots for her to ultimately create a satisfying life. These are strong indicators of an engaging story that will recruit many fans.””
Susan only got a narrow view of the story; I gave her the two-book synopsis, so she saw how everything would play out, but she only had time for four chapters. Unfortunately, the opening sequence tends to be my weak point.
I have such a hard time balancing exposition (background info) with advancing the plot. In Valia's world, there's a lot of relevant history; nuclear fallout, a cosmic phenomenon, faster-than-light travel, and a global space race. That's a lot to introduce in the first few pages and chapters; just enough to orient the reader, but not too much to slow Valia's momentum.
I'm certain that I struggled with this in my first book The Paper Throne (by the way, if you haven't yet read my blog post about why I shelved this story, here it is). I'm certain of this, because I struggle with telling verbal stories without feeling like I'll spoil the punchline if I throw in a teaser or a hook.
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”I’d like to see faster pacing, more clarity, and less exposition forced through dialogue.””
I have to laugh. The editor who read the first chapter in April said it was too bogged down with world-building and backstory. I removed most of the backstory (which probably created lack of clarity for Susan and also forced some of the exposition into dialogue), and wrote an entirely new, shorter Chapter 1. I was pretty confident, in fact, that I had finally resolved my Achilles heel opening.
Not so!
Such is the way of editors and revisions. Each editor's approach is different. The tricky part, is learning to adopt their unique lens for a time to examine your writing, and discern for yourself how much you can improve while staying true to the story you want to tell.
Susan's right, though: I do need to fix the pacing. My inherent desire to explain myself has expanded this intro longer than it needs to be. I'll have to give the opening sequence another critical pass.
““I hope the story will get a good reception and strong fan base when you publish it, and I think that’s entirely likely.””
It wasn't all bad news. Susan was very complimentary about the worldbuilding, the themes, and stakes. She also praised Valia's three-dimensional character and her narrative voice:
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”The mechanics and emotions of Valia’s music feel true, real, and authoritative, and the passages describing Valia’s feelings while singing showcase some truly beautiful writing.””
I know how to fix some of the areas Susan pointed out. I wish she could have delivered her edits earlier as planned, so that I had time to address these weak spots before sending them to Kristen, but realistically I probably wouldn't have been able to rewrite the beginning and compile the new ending before my self-imposed deadline of June 1st.
There is one more large contribution Susan gave the story—and here, dear reader, I must be coy, because it involves a significant plot point. This new ending I wrote felt almost right, but something was missing.
A book must always climax with a major choice from the main character; an act of agency in opposition to the antagonist or villain. This usually ends with success, and some sort of happy ever after. But, since this book has a planned sequel, the story doesn't fully resolve. How I ended Book 1, and on which cliffhanger, has been the subject of much internal debate.
After chewing on the synopsis and bantering back-and-forth over email, Susan offered a suggestion that I think will make for a significantly stronger ending, and solve my concern that the books would feel too dissonant from each other in theme.
That's all I can tell you! This sort of detail makes for great behind-the-scenes, and I plan on including it in the back matter of the book once it's launched on Kickstarter.
